i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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