are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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