i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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