I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
