He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
