I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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