I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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