the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
