You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Green mimosas i think yes
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
