I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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