i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
not ubering you a puppy
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
