my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
