I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
