I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
