I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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