No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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