Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
