Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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