Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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