my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
