Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
