he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
me + whiskey = a bad person
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
