On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
