Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
