The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
