Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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