you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
