if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
