I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
