Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
