I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
