yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
