I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
FUCK WHALES
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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