She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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