just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sober January is a disaster.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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