i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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