I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
