I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
