dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We need to get me chipped asap
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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