i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
