She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
