how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
