Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
