I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
