Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
