was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
