Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
