You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
