Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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