Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
