32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dick very happy bro
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
