So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Farmville is her only friend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize