Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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