your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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