For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize