i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this just has baby written all over it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
