dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
