All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
