My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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