Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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