Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize