She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
