Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
