i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
