I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
