so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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