Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
