I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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