What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
