I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
