i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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