I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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