do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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